You know what? I’ll admit it. I laugh when someone yells at me. I wish I were kidding. If you praise me, I’ll turn as red as a tomato and look down and feel super awkward because how else am I supposed to react to a positive situation like this? But if you yell at me or are saying a various speech or presentation in front of me, I’m going to laugh. Now, I’m pretty sure that I don’t find what you’re saying funny. However, I have no idea how to deal with this situation other than by laughing.

I don’t think I’m the only person who laughs in the face of authority, although I might just be the only one who does it as a defense mechanism and not as an epic stand again “the man”.

Honestly, I don’t usually show emotion when something bad happens. I usually process it hours later, and even then, my mental breakdowns occur in the comfort of my bedroom, away from anyone else to see.

So it’s a little understandable that I laugh when someone yells at me, just because I have no idea what else I’m supposed to do.

Somewhere, in this weird little head of mine, I find this absolutely hilarious. But I have no idea why.

To that effect, I also laugh when people are speaking in front of me. So, sometimes my principal will be giving a huge presentation to the school in an assembly and I’ll be cry-laughing in the back, for no particular reason. It’s not that I don’t respect him (actually I’ve grown up learning to respect everything a teacher says and all adults to almost an extreme extent). So why. does. this. happen?

I kind of understand that it’s a defense mechanism in the sense that it’s easier than processing the information given to me. Especially in regards to the criticism, sometimes I feel like my choices are laughing or crying, and I really don’t like the latter. This pops up most often in particularly rough dance classes, where I will literally LAUGH when my teacher tells me I messed something up. This is, of course, hilarious to everyone else, but really inconvenient (I predict) for like the rest of my life.

So until I can suppress my urge to giggle like an idiot whenever I’m expected to be serious and diligent, I’m probably going to be thought of as super disrespectful or annoying. Except I CAN’T STOP.

Maybe one day, I’ll get a functional MRI and figure out exactly what’s going in my head to trigger laughter in these situations, but until then, I’m going to have to duck my head and turn around whenever I have to be serious, otherwise I’m going to fail at life.