I have a problem… well it’s not a problem so much as it’s an observation:

I can’t cry if I’m not overwhelmed.

So I can do happy tears, laughing tears, sad tears… but none of that ever happens unless I’m so overcome with emotion that I cry.

And I think that to get me to that place, you have to surprise me, or I can’t expect it.

Now I don’t know if it’s just me, but crying seems to often be cathartic. Like, the feeling after you’re done crying and everything is calm is actually really nice.

Maybe that’s a bit strange, but regardless I’d like to note for future reference that I wish I didn’t know about the Clap Out before it happened because then I would deal with my sadness about leaving high school instead of just being like meh and moving on.

[The Clap Out is this thing where the underclassman line up around the halls and clap for the seniors as they leave the school for the last time before graduation… it’s supposed to be tres emotional].

And now that it’s summer, I’m onto to dorm shopping and vacationing instead of realizing that I’m never going to see a lot of the people I saw every day for 4 years ever again (and this is a bigger deal because my class as a whole is like 64 people so we all know each other well).

Anyways, I think that crying only when you’re overwhelmed is probably the guarantee for panic attacks and laughing in terrible situations… which actually explains a lot about me. Huh.