Am I Supposed to be Excited?

I have this personality quirk, or maybe it’s a trait, where I tend to be very emotionally detached. It’s not because I don’t care, or because what happens does not affect me. But sometimes, actually most of the time, it affects me to the point where my gut response is no response at all.

This happens when good stuff happens, and when bad stuff happens.

I’ve had numerous instances in my life where I would be saying goodbye to someone, the chances of me seeing them ever again in-person being extremely slim or the time until our next encounter being many many months, and I wouldn’t cry. Not one tear. They would be in front of me, balling, and I wouldn’t cry at all.

But some things, of course, make me cry: like sad movies and confrontation and the thought that someone may think that I don’t respect or care for them.

On the flip side, I don’t cry from happiness either. I definitely laugh so much that I have tears in my eyes, but I’ve never cried just because I was so happy with how life was treating me.

As I’m getting college acceptances (or rejections), I feel like I should be feeling over the moon or so devastated that all I want to do is sit in my closet and cry, but really, all I see is a piece of paper opening or closing a door in the pathway of doors determining my future. And I’m not worried.

Should I be? Should I be crying with joy when I open up an email saying I got accepted to a college in the state I want to be in? Should I be mad and petty if a reach school rejects me? Should I be so excited that I’m jumping up and down at the mere possibility of it?

I don’t think so, but then again, I’m not the best gauge of proper emotional reactions.



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